WHEN THE STRONG DESPAIR

To be in despair is a bad thing. A very, very, very bad thing. It robs you of all feelings and thoughts and any ability to function fully. It gets you to a point where you believe that all the doors have been shut firmly in your face. And all it takes is for some mindless driver to crack your side mirror. At that point, you don't see that you're so close to the end of your journey, you sit at the bottom of the stairs, with your back to the door and wail, bemoaning your state.

As much as I write to encourage others, I myself have just passed through this valley of the shadow of death. I was weary of being strong - my shoulders sagged with the weight of my responsibilities and the worry of some others' situations. A dam burst on the inside of me and I asked God for a sign because I was at the end of my tether - yes, me too. I had been so strong for so long that I snapped. After two hours of bawling and complaining, I asked God to show me a sign that I am on the right track because I was tired of being tired of being so strong. I wiped my face and drove home - cracked side mirror and all. 

I cannot over-emphasize how much God loves us. I simply cannot. I asked for a sign and spiritually, I sat like a grumpy toddler and waited to see what Gd was going to do. First, I got to church and got a letter from God. Read below (it's long I know, but please read)...

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

  Father's Love Letter used by permission
Father Heart Communnications ©1999 FathersLoveLetter.com 

 He had me at "I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus." I started crying again. Softly of course. That was Him reassuring me that He heard me. You can watch the full video here to get the full effect. From second service on, I was rejuvenated and serene.

Then I went to an album launch Sunday evening as well, so that the devil would not get a hold on my mind again. Obed Akanya is someone who knows how to sing! Oh Lord! He would sing and preach and teach and prophesy all at the same time! He paused in the middle of a song, looked at me (maybe not me, he was working the crowd, but you know what I mean...) and spoke some prophetic words as though he was in my car saturday night. You should get his CD. Start to finish is the Word of God. I still have chills. And! You're gonna dance all the way through...

The last sign God gave me was the biggest. It was the surest and I know that it can ONLY be God! I can't tell you what it was, but I'll say this; I NEVER believed it would happen. I staked my future on it never happening and it did. My mind is till "blewn" (It blew my mind...).

Child of God, He sent me to tell you today, that He knows. He's aware of all you have to face. I made the mistake of being strong because I was told to -  I've even told you the same. But his strength is made perfect in our weakness. God can't show you how strong He can be on your behalf if your're showing Him how strong you can be. If our children cry when they feel hurt or sad, how much more you? And to your Abba Father no less! Don't let people tell you that the devil wants to see you cry so you should'nt cry - CRY! Are you not Abba's baby? Just know that when you cry, He will tickle you to laugh through those tears. You don't have to show strength to God. He only asks you to have faith in Him, and to trust that He knows waht He's doing. And that it'll all come out fine. Smile! Jesus loves you!