NEVER! NEVER!! NEVER!!!

All the things they teach you or that you've heard, or that you've read (that should really read "I"...) usually flies out the readily available window when you're lividly upset.

I have heard and read, don't react when you're angry, don't talk, count to a hundred backwards etc but truly, this evening, I lasted 15mins before I blew my top (I tried naa). I heard what should never be told a single mom. Never. And as much as I was VERY annoyed, upset and hurt by what I was told, I most probably shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But I was (am still upset) by what was said to me. 

For those of you reading this that are not single mums or not a widow, please be sensitive about what you tell a single mum. No matter how much you meant good, a wrong word is a wrong word and can never be taken back, unheard or easily forgotten.

I will not tell you who hurt me with their words, but I will say what hurt me..."you chose to be a divorced single mum when you chose that man to marry". All along they were trying to tell me to move on and be happy (I am, else my pain would still be my mess, not my message. And what is the gauge for happiness anyway?). All the while I just sat there hearing what they had to say, refusing to process it, watching for time so I could go home until they made that statement. Oh I blew my top!! 

We did not choose to be single mums. We entered the relationships with the hope of happily ever after. Some didn't get to go to the altar, some literally lived out their vow of till death do us part and others, like me, pass through the valley of the actual death of our marriages. That it got to this point is no fault of ours, regardless of the men we chose!! When you (non-single mums, male or female friends and family) want to give us advice, stay away from the "I told you so", "you should have/shouldn't have", "you could have", "if only"...leave all that please. We are trying our best where God hadn't planned for us to "try our best" in. And we are doing a pretty good job as far as Abba and I are concerned.

Needless to say, our conversation ended sourly (no insults and no apologies. For now sha...I will tell them sorry after) and I went home with my heart hurt and my blood boiling. Give us a pat on the back for what would break others. When you see that we are raising godly and goodly children, tell us well done. Yes we haven't got it all together, yes we make massive mistakes, YES we may be the architects of our own situations but it does not help us to rub it in our faces. At all!!

Basically, if you don't got nice things to say, leave us alone. Frank and Cecilia!!! (That's sarcastic for frankly and sincerely oh! Not the people who hurt me...)