WANTED: NEEDS

Do you know the difference between what you want and what you need? Can you identify your needs from your wants? Same question but in reverse, I know, but bear with me a little. I’m going somewhere. A chocolate cake is decadent and satisfies greatly, but not healthy. That translates to I want to eat cake but need to stay healthy. So I need to make a choice - what I want versus what I need.

It is sooo easy as parents to separate what our children want from what they need simply because it will mess up our needs and wants. But we seem to miss being able to do the same for ourselves. Example, no matter how Aviela wants a cupcake and juice first thing on Sunday, I know I don’t need her sugar-induced high all through service. Trust me; Aviela is always on a natural high. She needs no sugar to be climbing up walls or my nerves! Apart from that, I know it’s not healthy for her. So even though she wants that, she doesn’t need it. In the end, our needs and wants clash, but I must be able to sensibly and maturely separate them, and put hers above mine, while trying to not ignore me completely...

See how easy that was? (pretend it was) We need to learn how to do the same for ourselves. And yes, I’m included in the “we”. For the past few months I’ve been in a battle to separate what I want from what I need. To make it clear, what you want is usually not as important as what you need. Wants are kinda selfish and needs are of the utmost importance. Wants can wait but needs cannot. Catching my drift yet? One of the things I want is to wake up everyday doing what I love only but I need my job. And unless I know that I will receive N150,000.00 in my bank account every month for doing nothing I shall remain in the market of the employed. 

No matter what I want, I need to make sure that Aviela is not affected. Did you notice how my need superseded my want? I may want to have a full body massage while staying at a hotel for a loooong weekend (hotel could be the Obudu Ranch or Le Meridien Ibom - this is just in case a person would like to sponsor a person...) but, it costs a lot and I have Avi's fees, accommodation etc.So that beautiful 18" Brazilian weave has just got to remain on the shelf of that store - virtual or physical. This strict adherence also applies to other wants as well. Ooooh I want some other things so bad that it is a genuine need. But as long as I am single, that need is actually a want. Because what will be my excuse going out to have that want-need filled? Now that Avi is young, and Nana is around, I can get away with it. But what next? As much as I want to satisfy this need (see how they follow each other closely?), it takes care of today and now only. It satisfies a fleeting desire but what about the long term one? What happens when Nana leaves (travels oh!!) and Avi is older? How do I explain my outings to her?

Alright. Here is what I really need: To be the best role model to my girl, and that means denying myself a lot. I will date when it's time, but with a view to providing  a stable environment in her life - no need for numerous "uncles" passing through. That also means you get me, you get instant pikin...no hidden surprises there.  As much as I want what I want, nothing features strongly in my life than that for her.



ps...It took me 3 weeks to write this post because I needed to make some sort of sense, as opposed to just wanting to post something to make up the quota for December...