How Come Doesn't Matter

I've been trying to avoid this but today, I feel like facing it. One of the things that happens often is that in our society, single motherhood is like a taboo. Regardless of how come, once you are identified as a single mother, things happen that are not too palatable to the mind.

I'm a single mother by another's choice, which therefore became my circumstance (divorce). Some are single mothers by the choice of pro-life. You were in love, you thought it would last and then you're pregnant. Rather than abort, you chose single motherhood. Others are single mothers by circumstance - death left you without a choice (widows).


For the ones whose husbands died; once people know you're a widow, they start throwing handouts at you, especially if you're not financially stable. You get looks of pity as though you're in the worst bind a person can get into. If you're divorced, the first question you're forced to give an answer to (or not, as the case may be) is "what did you do?" Really? Is it even remotely possible that I have no fault? (kmt!) And then let it be known that you were never married and you have a child. The looks you get are scornful sneers, snide remarks of how wayward you are or must have been.

Only a few people (if you're lucky) ask to know how you're doing, not many will ask if there's anything they can do to help. Some may offer help, but in exchange for your dignity and pride as a woman. It's so sad that when I'm in this kind of position, it usually and almost always is from the last person you ever expected! The people you were sure had your back actually stab you in it.

Then, all the above women are looked at as a threat to the married ones. I dare to say this because it's true! If there's too much kindness from their husbands, all of a sudden, you're pariah - you're no longer invited to get togethers, calls become infrequent and even stop all together. It's harsh, but this is the honest truth.

No matter the "how" that happened to you, the important thing is the "how" God attaches to you. Even though he isn't around anymore, He (Abba) sees you as His own. There are so many bible passages where God is particular how the widow and fatherless are treated. He even warns that if we should cry out to Him for justice, He will hear and defend us. So the next time you get that look, or hear that side remark, remember who you are, and Whose you are. Keep your head held high and know that you're special to God; closest to His heart.