Model Single Mothers

I have had, over the last 17 years of my life, the best women one can look up to and draw strength and inspiration from. I need to be clear on one thing before I go on, I'm not glorifying single motherhood. Period. God is the only  One who knows the tomorrows of every single human on this earth, and He has plans for us - Plan A to Z and back again. 

Mrs Fidelia M. Lake

The first is my mom. Mrs Fidelia Lake (nee Kesena). She has five of us - I'm the firstborn of four girls and a boy. My dad died in March 1999 and she single-handedly brought us up and as far as I know, she did a pretty good job. I'm a Cooker and Bakerist (not a mistake word), the second is a successful Nurse currently working in Saudi and making the world her backyard, the third is a hardworking Marketing Executive at an Events Management outfit, the last girl is a successful photographer, Photojhenie (secret: she's my favorite celebrity!) and the last born is studying to be the best IT whodunnit in the world. See? She tried. She got remarried last year after so many years as a single mom. So yeah, there is hope for us single moms if at 56 my mom gets to know love again! http://www.photojhenie.blogspot.com

Pastor Gloria Mokungah 

The Second is the first pastor I ever called "My Pastor". All the pastors I had known up to this point were my parent's pastors. I just went to that church. From the time I was 18 till I got married, Pastor Gloria Mokungah was a driving force in my life. She became a single mother by the circumstance of death in the early 90s, a few years before my dad died. Her sermons always hit home. She had, and still has, a passion for marriages and homes and as a young single lady, I learnt a lot from her. I got close to her (see God working so far?) and learnt even more. Her life were her sermons. I will never forget the day she and my mom were talking and (can't say what about) and everything stuck! I could see that these two women were strong, only to the world but inside... Well, she was my Pastor until I moved to Abuja because of marriage. I still have sermon notes and remember how she used to call me baby...

Pastor Sarah Omakwu

 And third, my current pastor, Pastor Sarah Omakwu. At first, I had heard about this church where people only danced makossa and I thought to myself, what a happy people they must be! Of course, I went where my ex said we were to go but God wasn't through with my training. I joined the church after Pastor Ina Omakwu had died and I was blown away! She has a beautiful smile and captured my heart completely! I couldn't wait to go to church on Friday and Sunday just so I could see and hear this woman who loves God vivaciously. She inspired me to be a better me as a woman, and after the separation/divorce I looked at her, heard her and knew I would be OK. Again, God brought me a strong single mother who wasn't afraid to use her life as a lesson to me (can't speak for anyone else oh!). It's been 7 years since she became my "Man of God" and I'm still fascinated my her. AND! Today happens to be her birthday. Happy Birthday my dear Pastor!

Somehow, in His deep and mysterious ways, God knew I would come to this point in my life. He made sure that each of the important periods of my life, I had a strong and beautiful single mother to model their life before me. I am humbled by the lessons I have learnt, and I am still learning from each of them about being a single mother. I know that they pray for me always, my mom especially, and I know that I will be OK. Yeah, you too - you'll be OK.

Timless Truths

This is an old post I found, but it was insightful. It has many instances of hope and encouragement and I know it will lift you... A Single Mom Reflects on Her Heavenly Father's Love By Pat Bernshausen O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters. Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever. — Psalm 131 "I'm a single parent." I remember shuddering the first time those words tumbled clumsily out of my mouth. As difficult as it was to say the words, it has been even more difficult to fill the role. Yet, I am thankful that the circumstances in which I have struggled for the last several years have forced me to seek the Lord in a new way; perhaps the same way a drowning man grasps for a lifeline! I am indeed grateful for the lessons in faith that we have learned as a family. Single parent households often operate below the poverty threshold and mine is no exception. I remember in the early days of 1998 when groceries were in short supply, a Christian friend stopped by one day with a car full of blessings. Her gift included some pork chops, and considering the fact that we had not eaten much meat in the last couple of weeks, it goes without saying that my children were quite excited and they celebrated with what is now affectionately known in our home as the "pork chop dance." I praise God that He gave me the grace to respond correctly when asked where the meat had come from. I told my children that the pork chops had come from God. They had seen my friend come and go and asked if, in fact, the pork chops hadn't come from her; so I continued, "God knew we needed them and He whispered in Miss Kathleen's ear. Because she loves Him too, she was listening and brought us what we needed." Yes, being a single parent is a daunting responsibility and it definitely breeds humility. Pride is a thing of the past as I have had to ask for physical, financial, and spiritual support more times than I can count in the last four and a half years. I know I lack the strength and the wisdom to do what is required of me daily, so I have no alternative but to turn to my Father for help. In focusing daily on the Lord and reflecting on my relationship with my four diverse, yet wonderful children, I am learning so much about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Children are certainly a blessing, but let's face it, there are times when their behavior is less than exemplary. Even when I am disgusted by their actions, my love for them is never in question. On these occasions I am reminded of the father's response to his wayward son in Luke 15. When the father saw the son at a distance, he "felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." One can only imagine that as the father drew closer and closer he had to have known by the son's haggard appearance that his worst fears had been realized. Could his steps have quickened as he recognized how much his mercy and forgiveness would be needed? It is a great comfort to know that no matter how much our thoughts, our words, our actions disappoint our Heavenly Father, He is always prepared to wrap His arms around us and welcome us home when we come into His presence with a repentant heart. When my children were younger I developed a habit of spontaneously yelling out, "Mommy needs cuddles!" or "Cuddle time!" and within seconds I would be buried beneath a pile of little bodies all fighting for the privilege of being closest to my neck. Things do change. Now that my youngest son is six and a half years old, I find myself chasing them down in search of cuddles. I've found that the ones with the shortest legs are the easiest to catch since they can't run as fast! As I hold my little prisoners close, with arms and legs flailing around me, I can't help but wonder why things have changed so much. Our Lord Jesus offers the same lament in Matthew 23:37. "Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling." Obviously, it grieves the heart of God when we push Him away or disregard His call. He is so ready to lavish His love on us if we are only willing to be loved. My mind goes back to the time when my "babies" were younger and loved to be in my lap. A young child that has been weaned doesn't need to be there against his mother's breast, but he is there because he wants to be there. As the child is lulled to rest by his mother's heartbeat and breathing he is reassured by this closeness to the one whom he knows provides and protects him and fills his world with peace and security. This young child is a child of few words. He is not there to pour out all that he is feeling, to ask for all the things that he thinks he needs, or to pout about what he hasn't been given. He is there to share something that goes beyond words. In this simple act of resting in the arms of the one who loves him so much he is expressing a deep love and trust that words could never adequately express. As holidays approach which celebrate motherhood and fatherhood, instead of being reminded of the loss of our parents or the lack of children of our own, our attention should turn, instead, to our Heavenly Father who wants so desperately to draw us up into His arms and hold us gently as we rest and are comforted by the sweet sound of His heartbeat.  © 2002 Pat Bernshausen

My Story - Alisa Adonijah

I got this e-mail from a reader and I'm happy to share with you her story, as she sent to me. There's a lot to learn from each other like I have said before, and always know, you are not alone.

I never in my life thought of getting married and divorced, but sometimes we cannot help but let go. I got pregnant at the age of sixteen, and had my son when I was almost 17yrs old...that was when his father went and paid my dowry. There was nothing like a church or Court wedding. The marriage lasted for only 7yrs with 2 lovely kids, a boy and a girl. I know some people will ask why I left the marriage; why  I couldn't make sacrifices for my kids?.... Yeah! I was advised by so many people to stay because of my kids. If I had stayed because of my kids, by now my kids would have been without a mother and maybe my daughter would have gotten pregnant or married at the age of who knows, 15yrs, 16yrs, or 17yrs?. I walked away then and now, I'm shouldering the responsibility of my kids all by myself - that makes me a strong woman! Their father is very much alive and working but never there for the kids or their needs. 

THE JOURNEY THROUGH SINGLE MOTHERHOOD
1. Is it easy? The answer is no. You automatically become father and mother, always putting their needs first before yours, you don't want to hear if anything goes wrong in their life, so that makes you to be up and doing.

2. Is it easy to find a man to accept you the way you are?  To some, it's easy and to some it's not. Some men will always look at you as a liability, because of your kids or kid. To some men you are their gold mine, not even thinking of you having your kids to take care of, they always feel they are doing you a favour by dating you. Only the God-sent will accept you the way you are and love you. And such men exist.

3. Do your friends support you in this journey? It depends on the kind of friends you have around you. Some of them envy you for having kids and some are intimidated by you, when the men are supposed to come after them but they go for you... They turn out to be broadcasters of your life to people. I have met such kind of friends.

HOW DO YOU STAY HAPPY AS A SINGLE MOM?
1. Be happy with yourself and your kids
2. Always look pretty
3. Stay in an environment that you are happy with and also hang around people that love you, those with genuine love for you.
4. Enjoy serving serving God always.
5. Know the kind of man you would want to spend the rest of your life with, in case you do want to remarry... And there is nothing wrong with wanting to remarry. Just don't settle for anything, God has a great plan for you. Never put your life on hold for any man, you deserve better...keep moving, if he truly loves you, he will catch up with you and also help achieve your dreams and goals in life.
6. Above all, be prayerful, only God is a true friend, true lover and great provider, only He sees the best in you that no one can see, only He understands your pains and He promised He will never leave you nor forsake you.

God bless every single Mom out there, those secret tears will soon be wiped. And the Lord will continue to strengthen you.

Alisa

Train Up A Child...

This is a post by Progress Okuk, my friend on Facebook, and I'm reminded of Genesis 18:19 MSG. This is my interpretation of that scripture; Yes, I have settled on her (you) as the one to train her (your) children and future family to observe God's way of life, live kindly, generously and fairly, so that God can complete in ............. (insert your name here) what HE promised her (you). So pick up courage and keep at it, don't give up on those not so quiet times - even Aviela doesn't really like her bible much now. But there is hope. Do your part, and God will definitely do His part. Read and be blessed...

I came out from my bedroom to find my son in the dinning reading his Bible. Scenes like this leave me talking to myself. Now don't get me wrong, I have the most leveled headed, good kids in the world(luckily), but this guy of all my kids is not given to displaying religion, frankly it seems patronizing and Prosper my son will not patronize anyone not even for a selfie with Neymar.....if this was Utibe, I would think he wants something from me and would be ready for him but with Prosper,hmmm!
Whether it be manipulation at work or God just doing what HE alone can do, I really do feel good about it! #diaryofasinglemother.

Their God; Your God

I saw this picture on the wall of a friend and my mind went into overdrive. I began to imagine and picture how God must have been in protective mode and this is the mental picture that came up - I imagined God sitting with one hand on His chin looking bored at the antics of the terrorists and brooding about how best He can execute vengeance on them for Israel (...vengeance is Mine, says the Lord). His left hand idly swatting and flicking the missiles away from His chosen, His beloved and cherished Israel (...Jacob I have loved) and not even looking out for were the missiles are coming from.

Now, knowing that Hebrews 13:5-6 is a reality based on the nature of God and His Word, I imagine that He does the same over us, driving the endless flies of the enemy away and thinking up new ways to surprise us. I am in massive awe of the love of God for His own -- and that includes you!

Introduction

Let me introduce myself - my name is Yvonne Onome Reda Zwindila soon to be Kesena again. I am mom to Aviela Eloho Zwindila, my BBB _ Beautiful, Beautiful Baby! I have been a single mom for nearly 5 years now and my eyes have been opened up to a whole new world. The realities a single mom faces are 10 times more than what the average mom faces. I started this blog to be an encouragement to other single moms out there who are struggling with everything around them. I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. (Phillipians 3:12 MSG) What I'm saying is, we're not freaks, we're not abnormal. God loves us just as we are, perceived warts and all!!Single motherhood has been a wonderful (and sometimes scary) journey and there have been many ups and downs; some good and some bad. But through it all, I have learned (and I'm still learning) to trust in, rely and depend on Abba - My Heavenly Father, for help in ALL areas. This isn't a catalougue of my struggles and triumphs, but an avenue for honest and frank answers to the curve-balls that life has thrown me. I invite you along to learn with me, share with me and probably even teach me.