BEEN A WHALE WHILE

It wasn't deliberate.  I just got caught up. I will confess one thing though,  I didn't expect the wave of depression that came over me after I got officially divorced.  Oh it was bad.  But the past four years have given me a new outlook and dare I say a better one too? 

In the time I've been away, I've been at my "downest" and came  back up. I've learnt new skill and started a new business. I've learned the hard way about people's orientation and seen how negativity can affect a person and others around them. I've also seen the goodness in people, that more than anything else has been the anchor in the past four years. 

In the last four years, God has placed people around me who believe in me, live me and accept me for who I am. I'm in a much better place today and can see things clearer than I ever have before. Because of the people I have in my immediate community, I knowmim alright and will be alright always.

Who are the people in your community? If they are not cheering you on, or making life a little less hard for you, you don't need them....I promise you. 

Now that I'm back, I hope to be one of the few people who will let you know you have immense worth and are important to you and the jewels God has placed in your life.

Welcome back to being Completely Whole!

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS...FAIL FORWARD!

So once again I've been off the radar. And during this time I had lots of lessons to learn. I'm still learning and for the few I've passed I can start writing again. There was a message preached in church some time ago about success, it was titled failing forward. Basically taking lessons from a failure you experience and moving forward with them towards success. This is sort of my classroom now.

Primarily, I was waiting for a better option for internet supply and in the process got lazy. Insisting on using a laptop to type (yeah, I'm one of those people who don't like browsing or doing much with their phones except what it was invented for in the first place - calls and texts). But one of the lessons I've had learn is things change. It's been a rough start to the year and gradually I'm finding my feet again. 

It's odd being divorced, not having the dark cloud of court proceedings hanging over me every month. I thought being free from that would mean automatically things would be better. I didn't prepare for the heavy wave of depression and despair that came over me. Oh I did what I always did as though nothing were wrong, my laugh was loudest, I smiled a lot...but once I got into bed, it was a different matter. I didn't want to do anything (still don't sometimes) and yep, it also meant I didn't want to blog. So I simply didn't. 

LESSON 1: If it didn't make it to your future, it's your past - leave it there . I just felt like I didn't have a focus anymore. The one focus I had - getting divorced was taken and I fell limply. Thank God for good friends. Each time I remembered that this year would have been my 10th year in marriage, Grace Goloto would say "and so? Please shut up about it, it's your past now". If I am talking about anything to do with that part of my life, she would shut me up so fast I didn't have time to blink! It made me think about what I speak about around anyone, in case I sounded like a broken record. 

LESSON 2: It's never just about you. I was leading a care group about 3 weeks back, and during the prayer request time, a request was made for a couple who were ready to call it quits. I realised there and then that, where I am isn't because the devil is after me specifically (well, he is after me specifically!) but God wants to use my pain so I can understand another's pain. Using myself as the point of contact, I prayed the same prayer I pray when I hear such - what happened to Avi and I shall not happen to another. It's not easy being a single mom. Too many challenges associated with it. Way too many!

LESSON 3: Find a way around it. I'm back to blogging because I woke up this morning and realised my blackberry is a mini computer! I put away my "thing" of using a phone as a phone and a laptop for other stuff and typed this on my phone! If gas finishes (which will soon happen - reminder to self) I should be able to use the hot plate or microwave to cook something! I sat and stewed in my self because of this thing called divorce and started feeling ill - I started playing badminton in the evenings and like magic, the headaches are gone. 

I won't allow externals affect the truth anymore. I am the daughter of the King, and I will live like one. What about you? What lessons have you learned? Are you applying them to real life? I pray Abba leads us as always and that our lives become beacos for others who need help! Amen.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Nope! I didn't forget. I just took my time to think about what I want to write. I don't ever want to write simply because. 

I want to take this time and wish all single moms out there HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I'm sure you all had a beautiful day today or last Sunday...by the way, why are there 2 mothering Sundays in the world? I've always wondered sha...


But beyond the messed up pancakes, sloppy kisses and spilled coffees, there's something we need to be aware of. We have a huge task ahead of us. We are both mother and father to our children and it can be very daunting. In the past few weeks I have been on a stress roller-coaster...moved house, started a new business and still did school runs to where I used to live (it is a very looong drive and tiring!), and all of that is combined with active service in church AND being mom to BBB. 


No matter how your day goes, it's imperative that you be the one to teach your children the values you want them to learn - not their teachers, friends or nannies. In all my busyness, no matter how short the lesson is, she learns the values I want instilled. Example. For a long time, I have been trying to get Avi to understand the value of respecting other people's property. I'm constantly having to tell her (yell more like) not to touch what isn't hers, or what she wasn't asked to touch. It wasn't making a dent. Then the major incident happened. I had made this cake for a client and left it in my bakery for collection. Someone touched it and broke off a part of the decoration. I asked and she denied it vehemently - if she's guilty, she keeps quiet and doesn't answer. Her aunts, Chippie and Sweetie (another day folks...) both asked her several times and she denied it. I have a running battle with acne, and had a severe case of them on my face. I went to collect her from school and my precious daughter called her friends to laugh at the huge one right in the middle of my forehead. I was cut deep guys, the pain was amazingly painful. I came home and reported her to her aunts, and my cousin. They all told her off. Then at about 7:30pm, she comes to me and says I'm sorry mum. I felt good and gave this speech about how you should never laugh at anyone for anything, least of all your mum. Then my angel proceeds to tell me that she's not apologizing for calling her friends to laugh at my pimple. I asked what for? She said, "I'm the one who touched your cake". You have no idea how hurt I felt that my baby lied to me. I was disappointed ooh! And I couldn't hide it. I told her how I felt and I didn't talk to her for sometime. I was traumatized. 

But the value was instilled FINALLY! She hardly touches things these days - she hasn't completely stopped, were getting there. She hasn't lied to me and stays far away from my cakes. The house has a normal scent - she has finally stopped bathing the house in very expensive perfumes too!! In all of this, the value lessons came from me, not anyone else.

Happy Mother's day, keep doing what you're doing now. It will make sense in the end. You have an eternal source of inspiration to draw from and He will always give you innovative ways to make a lesson stick. If no one wished you a happy mother's day in the past 2 sundays, give yourself a pat on the back and nod at your accomplishment. It didn't easy to be a mama born-boy/girl (not a mistake)!